Captain Blarg is an accomplished military lizard from planet Aquari-9. After leading several successful battles defending his home planet, including other-world incursions on Rigel-7, Alpha-Censoori, BetaMax12, and planet XP-479, Private Blarg had worked hard up the ranks to his current position of Captain.
Blarg worked diligently to protect his fellow soldiers during his illustrious military career and was often found dining with the soldiers under his care in the mess hall. Not to disparage his rank, behind his back Captain Blarg was known as the affable Aquarion, and in his close circle of higher-ups as Buddy Blarg.
Blarg’s passion for food began early during his military career when on a mission to break in and release 12 captured Aquarions on Rigel-7. In a daring attempt to raid the prison camp, Blarg successfully emptied the enemy’s pantry of precious delicacies. There had been rumours of a secret stash of other-world goodies so enticing, Blarg had chomped his way though 12-inches of Haltracion copper-ore, while still maintaining cover for the escapees.
Not a selfish-bone in his body, he shared his loot with the captured and starving Aquarion army. They dined on Valeesin gogoberries, spiced Cintrafrak mootka, and their most prized possession a rare Pomplemousse, a pink plump antlered animal from XG-477 (not to be confused with his medal earning battles on XP-479).
Married for 12 years, to the apple of his beady dino-lizard eyes, Blarg has subsequently semi-retired from military combat and most recently vacationed to a far off place called Florida. He fell in love with the beaches and sun, the Cuban delights and music of Mee-ami. Blarg relished in the majesty of Busch Gardens in Tam-Pa, and he and his wife hope to revisit, for their anniversary, the most magical place Disney-World.
After traveling to other far-off Earthly locations, he and his wife settled in Tel Aviv to be close to his most favourite body of water the Mediterranean. He feels most at home here, because of the lifestyle Israel provides, and because of the closeness to so much conflict — it reminds him of his home Aquari-9, who have been in epic conflict with their neighbouring star systems for centuries. (There is often talks of peace, but negotiations often break down.)
Captain Blarg so tell the readers, why do you love Tel Aviv so much?
Blarg: It’s my wife, she just loves the beaches here. Hehe, no seriously, I love the weather, and it reminds me a lot of home. There are many young soldiers here in Israel, who I see wearing their green uniforms. My natural skin colour is green so it reminds of my military family back home. Tough on the outside, warm and friendly on the inside.
Oh like a prickly pear? Israelis are called Sabras (prickly pear.)
Blarg: Exactly. I ate a prickly pear whole once, I didn’t understand the big deal. Now if you ask me the Haltracion copper ore was tougher on the stomach. Gave me indigestion for 2 weeks, not going to lie to you.
Ok… so I hear you visited the United States and really loved it there, especially Florida, what was it that you liked so much?
Blarg: Oh man, so much. I wish some of my soldiers were with me, they had this amusement park that the young Aquarions would have loved. Although I’m pretty sure they would have overreacted at the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, and destroyed the place. The Mattahorn was fun too. Oh, at that “It’s a Small World Afterall” thing, that’s annoying to you humans right? Almost lost my cool there, if it wasn’t for the missus. Anyway, it’s one of the only places in the US I could be myself, a giant green lizard, without getting too many looks. Big fan of college ball too. Go Gators!
Was there anyone famous you would have loved to meet?
Blarg: Food wise? I love Bobby Flay. I get “Throwdown with Bobby Flay” intergalactically tele-streamed to my Aquitron screen. That guy cracks me up. Completely ambushes the restaurant owner – guy or girl – and surprise attacks him with the challenge of their best dish. And BOOM! Destroys them. Most of the time. We have a show like that from a neighbouring planet Flezto, but the host eats the loser at the end. It’s pretty gross if you ask me. (whispers) Stopped watching that show after season 1.
Riiiight. Well, I’m glad you had a great vacation with the wife. Where are some of the places you like to take your wife to eat?
Blarg: I don’t like too fancy places, but don’t get me wrong I know how to surprise her even after 12 years of marriage. Heyo! Seriously though, she loves Sushi, and Thai and we both love BBQ’s. Tel Aviv is such a central place for ethnic food and flavours so it’s perfect here.
And what do you like, I mean aside from BBQ?
Blarg: Oh I have lots of likes. I’m pretty well traveled. The Military life let me see a lot. I like waterfalls. A lot of people don’t know that about me. I love pizza, I think that’s my favourite food, because of all the different toppings you can put on it. Cupcakes, wooden decks, rainbow sprinkles, mason jars, hamburgers, steak, blood oranges – the right combination of juicy and scary. Oh, I like Arnold Schwartznegger movies. He’s great. I mean have you seen Predator? Great movie. You can check out my other interests on Pinterest. It’s pretty great. Like Arnold. I wonder if Arnold is on Pinterest? Hold on…
HONEY YOU THINK ARNOLD IS ON PINTEREST?
Blarg: She’s probably watching her shows. You hungry, I have some left over spiced mootka?
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