0 Comments | November 26, 2013

Gary - happy smile 2


Gary Blubetto hails from the Planet Bixi-9, the ninth planet in the Proxima Plutarius system.  On Bixi, half the planet is covered in ice while the other half holds a more temperate weather.  Because of their atmospheric conditions, most Bixis evolved to show blue, green, purple or a combination of the two. On occasion other colours like yellow, orange and pink have been known to occur, but like diamonds, those Bixis are considered a rare specimen.

Bixis are a peaceful species, naturally friendly and curious. They make great travel companions because of their fearless sense of adventure and playful personalities.  And because of their build, round and bouncy, they can take a tumble without too much worry.

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Their sense of curiosity naturally applies to food which is good because Bixis love to eat. They can devour a full Plutosaurus, and bushels of Valeesin gogoberries, which they are naturally very fond of, because of their shape and colour – round and blue.  In fact, Bixis naturally have a great appreciation for things that are blue.  They affably call their home planet the Blue Planet, something they share in common with humans.

Gary is a fairly simple Bixi.  He loves to travel and he looooooooves to eat.  Gary was adventuring in the ice islands of Bixi-9’s Sagatarsus region in hopes of collecting some very rare periwinkle blue sooki-ban.  (For human readers, the sookie-ban closely resembles a blue watermelon with a white dragon fruit interior and texture.  The taste is rumoured to be reminiscent of vanilla pudding with an cool refreshing light peppermint aftertaste. On Bixi, it’s traditionally something offered after a meal, much like an After-Eight mint.)


During the trip however, Gary lost his grip on one incredible delicious looking sooki-ban and it rolled into a mysterious cave.  Venturing inside the cave, Gary triggered an ancient Star-Gate warp device and he was instantly transported 3.1415 million light years to Bixi safe-house planet: Pluto.


As Gary contemplated on how to trigger the Star Gate to return to Bixi, he snacked on his prized sooki-ban.  Utilizing his wrist-communicator he managed to pick up some intergalactic chatter in the surrounding area that indicated that Pluto was no longer considered a planet.

Completely flabberghasted at the idea, Gary Blubetto travelled to Earth in hopes of giving scientists a piece of his big round blue brain on the matter.  Pluto needed a fair chance at regaining its planethood.  It was during that mission that Gary fell in love with many Earthly places, people and food.

Gary visited the bountiful blueberry regions of British Columbia, the restaurant mecca, bright lights and busy nights of Las Vegas, the serenely peaceful ice laden Iceland, the caves of Cappadocia, Turkey and the Kowloon District of Hong Kong.  He indulged in plump blueberries, scaled and tumbled down towering icebergs, enjoyed the majesty of the sunsets in Anatolia in hot air balloons, and devoured mountains upon mountains of noodles in Kowloon. His highlight was meeting Gia De Laurentis at a cookbook signing in New York City, for which he developed a very cute crush on.

Gary holding a cellphone

Gary loves his new iPhone 5 camera phone.

While Gary was unable to convince Earth’s scientists of Pluto’s importance to galactic peace, partially because he never really mastered the English language, he did manage to visit roughly half the countries on this Planet.  He settled in Tel Aviv, Israel because of its central Middle-East location, giving him access to Asia, Africa and Europe.

He loves the melting pot of regional and ethnic cuisines that Israel has to offer, and he became particularly fond of Jewish grandmother’s pushiness to keep eating.  It reminded him of his family on Bixi.

Gary’s goal is to uncover new food delights, figure out how to activate the Star Gate back on Pluto to return home and perhaps convince Gia De Laurentis to go out with him.

Up Close and Personal with Gary

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Gary, it’s really nice to meet someone so well traveled. What’s your favourite place to visit?

Gary: T@#$$!@@#^Y!14ge25!

I’m sorry… I don’t understand a thing you just said. What was that? (My editor is going to kill me.)

Gary: T@#$$! ch4@!1j9 9gA@#$F! Pl0ttbtu$#y!#$ adf@#$ffjoj[4$$!!

Yeah, I still have no idea… was that Tel Aviv? Vancouver? Did you say Pluto? I saw you have a “Pluto is a Planet” campaign going on, is that something important to you?

Gary: P$@%!

Blarg: Can I help?

Yes please.

Gary: P2$%guf 423@!!

Blarg: Gary says, it’s incredible that earthlings don’t think Pluto is a planet.

I for one agree with you on that Gary. I don’t understand scientists. And their science ways.

Gary: @$palht@25n 25n2!$GA255@#$@!!

Blarg: He says it has great important to unifying the galaxy.  Something to do with using the ice planet as an amplifier.  And a Star Gate.  I’m not quite sure what he’s talking about.  You may want to go on to something else.

Ya thanks. So Gary, you traveled a lot what was your favourite place?

Gary: A@!$gsa ty25@%!

Blarg: He says he loves it all, but if he could he’d take a hot air balloon over the Antarctic while eating chocolate and baklava.  He loves sweets. 

Gary - thumbs up

That sounds amazing. What about your time in Vegas? Was that as wild as a round blue Bixi could handle? 

Gary: gG@$!#ghak nlg4saA 5A$@$ Ka afjafo[# O 32fp B3LLaG1!;@$ !!

Blarg: Wow.  I don’t know if I should translate that.  But it was pretty wild.  He loves the Bellagio buffet.  He wanted me to tell you that. 

So Vegas was a crazy time.  

Blarg: He said he loved Cirque Du Soliel, loved the excitement of the city… to put it lightly he found a lot of the women there to be beautiful.  

You sound like a party animal Gary.  I heard you have a bit of a crush on celebrity chef Gia De Laurentis?

Gary: Gia!!!!

Oh that he knows how to say. 

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Blarg: Can you blame him? He says he has a thing for tall women. 

He’s round and about 3 feet.  Every woman is a tall woman. 

Blarg: Good point. 

Gary: @#$ha234111Aahw 2h!

Blarg: He says he’d love to take a hot air balloon trip with her.  She is pretty.

I bet! 

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